Just Say It
by skittishasakitten
Summary: This day had been everything she had wanted since she was a little girl, the white wedding with the perfect cake, the perfect dress, and the perfect man. Oscar Santos was everything she had ever wanted from a boyfriend - from a husband. But there was still something missing. ONESHOT. Maltara.


**A/N Hey! **

**This is my first CoD Fanfiction (first of many!) I mean't to have this out before the wedding episode so there's no spoilers or anything, there might be a few things on demand players recognise, but nothing that will spoil the episode. Anyway, I hope you all like it!**

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Natara Williams stood in front of the mirror in her apartment, her body wrapped in white lace and tulle, and wondered for the umpteenth time whether she was making the right decision. This day had been everything she had wanted since she was a little girl, the white wedding with the perfect cake, the perfect dress, and the perfect man. Oscar Santos was everything she had ever wanted from a boyfriend - from a husband. He was kind, caring and so incredibly understanding even during the most difficult of times. She could have so much fun with him and it helped that he was incredibly attractive.

But there was still something missing, and she knew exactly what - who - it was, it was the one man who she had wanted to talk to more than ever when Oscar had proposed, the man who had become her best friend over the past couple of years. The man who she knew deep down that she truly loved. She was ashamed to say that she was settling with Oscar, sometimes she was able to kid herself into believing that she was doing this because Oscar was the one she wanted to be with, but she knew it wasn't true.

Mal Fallon, with his crude jokes and endless sarcasm, with his fierce loyalty and willingness to protect the people closest to him – even his estranged father who countless times had caused him pain. The way he smiled whenever they would crack a case, the way he would always be there for her when she needed him, he had been her rock during all she'd been through over the past year or so. Mal had given her hope that she could have the life she wanted, the relationship she wanted. Even when she thought that she'd never be able to have a functional relationship after Shawn, he told her that she would be okay. And she was.

She knew deep down that Mal was the one she wanted to be with. Which was why the gnawing feeling in her gut that she was making a huge mistake wouldn't go away no matter how hard she tried to supress it.

"Natara?" Neha shouted from the other side of the apartment, yanking her from her inner doubts. "Are you ready?"

"Nearly." She swallowed, wanting an extra minute or two alone to collect herself. "I'll meet you down at the car, okay?"

"Okay, don't take too long!" Neha replied,

"C'mon mini – tara, give your sister a little bit of peace you've been glued to her hip all morning." Blaise piped up as she, Neha, Maria and few of Natara's other college friends all left the apartment.

She picked up the skirts of her dress and ran her fingers across the soft fabric. She carefully made her way out of her room making sure her dress didn't drag across the floor. Slowly she walked out of her apartment and outside to climb inside the limo waiting to take her to the wedding. Her legs wobbled as the reality of what she was about to do crashed down on her.

_I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._

She repeated those four words over and over in her head as she forced a shaky smile onto her face. She stared out the window watching the world fly by as she's whisked off to the church excited chatter coming from her sister and friends. The journey to the church goes far to quickly and before she knows it she's being pulled out of her seat and hurried to the large wooden doors of the church. She felt herself being ushered through the front entrance and a bouquet being pushed into her hands. Then the doors opened and everything seemed to slow down. Her father hooked his arm through hers and gently walked her down the aisle as the sound of violins filled the room.

Oscar stood glowing at the end of the altar a beautiful smile on his face, Nataras stomach clenched. For a few seconds Nataras thoughts shot back to the last time she wore her wedding dress, to the groom she had walked down the aisle to meet, the butterflies that had filled her stomach even though she knew it was pretend. As quickly as the thoughts came they where gone and her trembling legs forced her to lean into her father.

Her eyes scan the rows of people her eyes coming to rest on a brown haired head who seems to be the only person in the room not looking at her. As if her knew she was watching her his head snapped round and a encouraging, btu not entire sincere smile pushes its way up onto his face. She tears er eyes away from him, the rest of the congregation smiles at her with no idea of the internal war being waged inside her head. Even as her father places her hand into Oscars her whole body screams that this is wrong, and she knows it.

Oscars gaze never wavers as the priest begins to speak and all too soon it's time for the vows and her mind is still no closer to solving its problems.

"Do you Oscar Santos, take Natara Williams to be your lawful wedded wife?"

There's no hesitation in his voice. "I do."

"And do you Natara Williams, take Oscar Santos to be your lawful Wedded husband?"

"I -." She hesitates licking her lips, seeing Oscars smile falter.

_Say it. Just say it. _

"I – _can't_." She finally whispers so low only Oscar can hear her, a sardonic smile slips onto his face. He nods and runs his fingers through his hair. Low murmurs begin to break out amoung the congregation as they wonder why the ceremony has come to a halt.

"I think I always knew this would but happen, but I love you so much that I thought you were worth taking this risk." he murmured.

"It's just not the life I want." She breathed, "I just – I'm _so_ sorry, Oscar."

She backed away from him and picked up the skirts of her dress and speed walked back down the aisle keeping her head down. She couldn't face all those people, not after what she'd just done. There wasn't anything she could say to make this situation any better or seem like it was fair, because it wasn't. She heard a set of footsteps jog after her and as the doors closed behind and she came to a stop a warm, familiar pair of arms wrapped themselves around her waist.

The two stood there for a while Mal rested his chin on top of her head just silently holding her while she felt like the worst person in the world. He mumbled words of comfort as guilt threatened to over whelm her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She swore – though she couldnt be sure, that she felt him smile.

"This doesn't make you a bad person," he said as if reading her mind. "It'll be okay."

And for the first time, feeling so right in his arms, she believed him.


End file.
